This series will focus on how to break through the fear of confronting, healing and communicating true emotions. Many people they want nothing more than to feel joy and purpose, but lack the courage to break through the fear of communicating to speak their truth about their fears, doubts, desires and so much more.
By discussing how to Till Our Soul Garden, my intent is to provide real life examples that everyone can relate to, in addition to adding my personal experience perspective as someone who has focused solely on self-improvement and inner spiritual connection for the past decade.
If this series touches your life in some way, share it for others, share your perspective in the “Comments” section and let us all help one another find the courage and the support needed to speak our truths.
How to achieve meaningful change in life.
Meaningful change comes about when catastrophe strikes or when the well of the soul is completely drained of hope and light. Sometimes, we do not know exactly what is wrong – we only know that life cannot go on, without significant change, for one more minute.
My meaningful change happened as a result of many events taking place over a twenty year span that I did not process or deal with on any level. Years of pain, grief, shame, self-sabbatoge, alcohol and back pain pill abuse, gambling addiction and toxic relationships took their toll. I was lonely, lost, broken and desperate to find a better way to live whatever time is left of my life.
Admittedly, I was sometimes the ‘toxic’ person in relationships. My soul was constantly looking for someone to fix me and fill me with hope and happiness. After many disappointments and set backs, I realized I had to figure out why I was doing what I was doing or things were never going to change.
Every person has reasons for being unhappy. All people have experienced loss, pain and grief. What keeps us on a cycle of despair and pain and how do we break free of it? How do we identify and communicate how we truly feel?
The short version of some of the life challenges I have faced, and buried, for over 30 years until I realized my soul well was achingly empty are as follows:
- I grew up with heavy drinkers who passed along unresolved emotional issues;
- The loss of my son to his grandparents in my early 20’s;
- My father all but abandoned me once he took possession of my child;
- My mother was hit by a car and suffered a massive brain injury, which my entire family had to process and deal with for 10 years, until her passing;
- My first marriage ended in divorce after 10 years together which caused my whole world to careen out of control for approximately five years; and
- A subsequent catastrophic, toxic rebound relationship and my journey of release which lead me to a life with a loving and supportive partner
I have been a functional, but complete emotional mess for many years. Over 15 years has been invested in group and private counselling mixed with sporadic attendance at Gamblers Anonymous meetings to help sort through why I continued to be such a dumb ass and ruin my life every chance I get.
A very wise man, Albert Einstein, is quoted as saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.” Sound familiar?
The cycle we spin on is a direct result of our human nature to keep beating a dead horse and expecting it to miraculously rise from the dust and gallop off into the sunset. Sometimes, we need to get a new horse. Other times, we need to leave the farm, move to the city and start a new existence. The difference will be in how the desire to change is processed at an emotional level so that positive, healthy choices are made no matter where you are.
Without question, getting to the bottom of my emotional truths was one of the hardest things I have ever attempted. On a positive note, this process has also been an amazing gift filled with incredible grace and positive life experiences that I never, in a million years, could have seen for myself!
When I realized that all true change comes from within; things quickly began to change.
I delved into every self-help and positive thinking themed book I could get my hands on. Every chapter was read and thought about for hours, if not days. If there was a self-study work assignment contained in the book, I was sure to complete it. I wanted positive change more than anything else in the world. Nothing was going to stop me from achieving a better life.
My desire to dig deep to the cause of why I was the way I was kept me digging away at the left over emotional crud much like cleaning a sewer drain when it gets clogged up. It sounds disgusting and, at times, it was.
Have you seen the movie Shawshank Redemption by Stephen King? The main character, Andy Dufresne, is imprisoned, for life, for a crime he did not commit. Andy goes through all kinds of good and bad things during his time in prison, but he always remains hopeful and keeps a cool head on his shoulders. He experiences a type of hell that will cause the gag reflex to kick into overdrive, but the point is, he dug through his own soul well to find happiness and light again.
The pain of digging through left over negative thoughts, beliefs and emotions is to Till Our Soul Garden so that our soul is peeled down to a raw nub, just waiting to bloom again into new a life phase with a little bit of love, support and nurturing.
The cool thing is that once the barrier of the fear of communication is faced and conquered our Soul Garden opens up and prepares for fresh growth and light. After that, the rest of the world opens up in surprising ways!
My business and personal relationships have taken on new meaning. Boundaries are something I recognize and use to their fullest advantage. I can now choose who to have in my life instead of blinding grasping for, and welcoming in, anyone who was kind enough to come in and sit down for awhile. I can openly and securely express my feelings to my partner and resolve conflict without yelling, drama or hurtful words.
Clinical therapy and professional counselling are extremely helpful tools for those that need help to process and address their personal life events. Therapy is also helpful for those people that struggle to communicate how they truly feel.
Marriage counselling could be the key for partners who struggle to connect once the children have all grown up and moved out or when having to process through grief or loss.
As one of my good friends, who has suffered her own unimaginable events, said, “I go to counselling so I can be a better person – to be the best mother and grandmother I can be.” Very powerful words right there. Whatever the reason to go, I truly believe it can be a wonderful first step to cleaning out your Soul Well.
The question most people have is ‘Where do I start?’. The simple answer is to firstly identify what is actually going on in your Soul Well. Let’s start by figuring out how we honestly feel to identify our individual Inner Truths.
For the next Perspective on this series, visit the Homepage tab titled ‘Truth Series Part Two – What Is Inner Truth and Why Should I Dig It Up?’